Lemuel Mwangi: Insanity of the Political Matrimony

Posted on 13 May, 2009

They have big mouths whose words can promise an exodus to heaven if we elect them. They do not care what they say, as long as they can gang another vote. They value their imaginations more than they actions, taking tomorrow like a non-existent future. They trade accusations just to down throw their counterpart. Their retaliations are an atomic bomb in reaction to grenade, making matters no better than they found them. They wouldn’t care to slaughter the last piece of life in at all that will reduce the opposition power. They marry their thought, accuse others and trade accusations for the benefit of their bellies.

They are the politicians.

As the going say, “politics is a dirty game” and I just can’t help doubting the cleanliness of the players. Taking a binocular eye into the genesis of black rule in Kenya, it is ultimate the destiny of the expected good life was cut short by the greed of our politicians. While at the helm, our senior brothers seem to think they are one step closer to heaven than we are. Well, they forget of the bumpy ride to superiority, a journey whose hope of ever seeing the destination lies in the vote of the helpless Kenyan. And leaders forget the pleas they made when that vote mattered.

How right would I be, to rest my blame on the members of the august house. Since they forget that parliament is not a camping site, Kenyans should therefore do the right thing with their votes. While then MPs are recapturing dreams of the previous night, we should be thinking of a mass sacking, one which will see most, if not all, packing out of the seniors domicile. Are they not aware that Kenyans like me are tired of buying Prados for them, while I still can’t afford a load for a bike?

Let me dare say this. “Kenya government leadership is sleeping on its job” if they can still afford smiles while dozens of Kenyans were slaughtered in the government supported Mungiki, why then shouldn’t I say that Kenya is in anarchy. Or what is the use of a security system which oversees murder of the innocent.

While preparing for the next election cycle, I would advise Kenyans to tool their thoughts reasonably when voting. It is time for Kenya to stop electing politicians and instead replace the latter with leaders. That way, the vision 2030 can be brought forth to 2020 or even much earlier. Let beware of the big men who want to marry our thoughts in political matrimony, which in any case makes no sane sense. If there should be any rings exchanged, verbal or material, let it be because the many will benefit rather than the usual singular greediness of the august house.

May GOD bless the Republic of Kenya.

By Lemuel Mwangi
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Citizen Television Caricatured Political Satire XYZ Show

Posted on 08 May, 2009




The show is set to premier on Citizen Television on Sunday the 17th March 2009 at 9.40pm.



Judging from the previews and advertisements, this is a must see political satire show in Kenya. Unless it is banned by the Kibaki-Raila led government through their self-serving judicial system, this is a show that will rub the Tumbos the wrong way.




For more check their website www.xyzshow.com
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Kibaki, Raila Arrest Maasai Youths for Tree Planting

Posted on 05 May, 2009

During a tree planting day this week at Kona Baridi near Ngong, Kibaki and Raila had youths arrested in nearby townships of Kiserian and Ongata Rongai, then ferried to the tree planting site in police trucks and had them plant trees and listen to their speeches.

The tree planting session lasted was for a short period of time compared to the time allocated for speeches.

Fortunately, the youths were paid for their services and ferried back to their respective towns.
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Mutula Kilonzo and Njeru Githae will not achieve anything for Kenyans

Posted on 04 May, 2009

After they fought for consultations rights, Kibaki and Raila has filled the position of Minister for Justice, National Cohesion and Constitutional Affairs which was left vacant when Gichugu MP, Martha Karua left in a huff.

They have appointed the smooth-talking grand-day-dreamer, Hon Mutula Kilonzo an ODM-Kenya MP for Mbooni constituency. Mutula is a lawyer of "great repute" turned politician. Great repute is in quotes for he made his way and wealth in Kenyan corridors of justice during Moi days when justice was available to the highest bidder. He is one of those painters who worked tirelessly to whitewash the black Nyayo era. Of course, he was paid his dues for a job well done in line with the legal profession requirements. Nothing criminal, he would say.

Mutula Kilonzo is a beneficiary of the much talked about direly-needing-reforms justice system. He cannot touch the justice system that catapulted him to where he is and cannot crucify his friends still embroiled in that old order. He will talk big and even have a helicopter ride across the Kenyan justice system but cannot poke the dragon that nursed him even with a ten-foot pole. Other than building castles in the already hopeless Kenyan air, expect nothing much from the so-called state counsel.

The legal reforms race Kenya record is held by Kiraitu Murungi who tried to run the race but never got to the finishing line after he started staggering and laughing noisily off the track. Martha Karua was a passing cloud and I cannot recall anything good for the ordinary Kenyan attributable to her stint at the justice ministry other than entrenching the status quo. Mutula Kilonzo will be a hit and run case at best.

Crumbs in the form of Metropolitan Ministry Minister from the high table of Harambee house has also been thrown to a pretending Lazarus in the name of Njeru Githae. He is an opportunistic politician from Ndia and a member of Martha Karua's Narc Kenya. I can almost guarantee that he has no idea what a metropolitan is. The best he can do is advise Nairobians on improving their eating habits by making a meal of the rats that infest city markets like Marikiti, Kangemi and Muthurwa. Not to downplay his imagination, he could come up with a recipe for the roaches that roam in many a Nairobians kitchens at night.

What a waste of Kenyan public money. Why not give prime minister Raila Odinga the jobs of running the justice and metropolitan ministy, he would have done a better job than these two jokers, at least on TV.
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Lemuel Mwangi: What a Government?

Posted on 28 April, 2009

I am not entirely surprised that the Kenyan government, even after the worst woes of murders in the hands of the Mungiki, remains adamant to this malignant tumor that is hastily growing in central Kenya. When words of condemnation came from the top floor of the Treasury and Finance building, I did not in the least expect more, for the same word are repeated as soon as some Kenyans are dead. “Condemning violence in the strongest terms possible” has formed a stanza in the political songs of a forgotten nation, the verbal aspect of the PM remaining only, and always, a verbal myth. The house on the hill is worst placed, having not even had the immediate reaction or sentence of re-assurance to residents who lost loved ones even though a senior most Kenyan is from a few tenths of miles away.

Murders have now become an obsession in the minds of Kenyans, a mythical rhetoric that sits under the tables of an ignorant government. How right would I be to think that anarchy is slowly inhibiting the future of our nation? While the security docket is as worse as being non-existent, the justice one is on the quits for the search of greener pastures. How greedy? Other do not take the chance for granted and want some new elections for them to elected even though they are currently sleeping on their jobs. What make us think that they will not get an extra blanket on electing them back? All these are happening in the high office while poor citizens are almost dehydrated after bucketfuls of tears.

You might wonder what is the most popular characteristic in Kenyan politicians. Well, all have binocular eyes in as long as there is an election coming in a century. Don’t you hear them announce in public that they will run for presidency in the year 2100? Let me remind them that in hell-or heaven for the lucky few- the top seat is forever booked. If politics is a dirty game, so are the players. Even after conferencing an overloaded cabinet, they still can’t figure out who or what ‘Mungiki’ is. No condemnation has ever brought back a life.

Let’s think of this. Two activists are shot dead in a public road; not even a lone policeman to prevent the murder. What is more traumatizing is that the government can afford to send a whole battalion of officers to guard a funeral. What a bad show?

I have a dream, that one day, Kenyans will have a president who will govern with humane intellect, a government that will stand for the people, minister who will not sell public grains, minister who will not sell public property, politicians who will play clean politics, and MPs who will not remain vague images in the minds of the electorate.

Let Kenyans know that ‘wars begin at will but do not end at pleasure’. Right now, the administration is just too compromising –or comprised- with the Mungiki terror gang, I only have to wonder how many of the senior administrators have taken the dreadful oath to sit and watch while Kenyans are being slaughtered. If we let the mountain of terror grow, it might be impossible to move it.



By lemuel Mwangi
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The Kenya Political Life Cycle of a Tick

Posted on 23 April, 2009

As a young boy, Saturday was Cattle Dip day. It was the day we woke up very early to take our Zebu-like cows to the communally constructed and managed cattle dip. The dogs provided extra security and rearing of the cows and would also be forced to take a bath in the cattledip.

The cattledip trip was to eradicate the ticks that bugged our milk-producing, blood-giving and meat-issuing mammals. It was a very essential weekly exercise as failure to do so would mean that the cows would be malnourished, hides damaged and worse still this Athropoda was a carrier of notorious cow diseases that would lead to huge losses to us.

Ticks are external parasites that live on the blood of the ir host, in this case it was our much depended-on cows.

Over a period of days, they would get engorged with blood to almost bursting from taking too much blood. The idea is to overfeed since they do not know when the next host will be available. A small scratch on the tick will give a gush of blood. After a while they drop from the host after getting full to mate and fill the earth by laying eggs. They then stealthily stalk a potential host in preparation for another blood fest.

These are merciless parasites that can suck a cow's blood to death, thus the importance of a weekly cattledip bath. Their favourite spots are around the neck of the cow and other fleshy areas. I guess they fight each other for these spots. Others are so notorious, they go for the lining of the eyes and inside the ears. They are shameless, unforgiving and a death squad to other living creatures.

They have no interest in survival of the host or whether the hosts eats or not, whether the host is sick and needs attention, whether the host needs greener pastures, whether the hosts needs any changes or reforms to better its lives or whether the cake the host eats is preserved or should be baked larger for all.

Their sole selfish interest is to suck and suck and suck until not even air comes out. They then drop and look for a fattened tick to mate and have a coalition with as they murderously lie in wait for another host to plug their filthy needlelike sharp mouths to spread the tribal agenda.


In case the ticks find that their host is no longer giving quality blood or is dead from their blood sucking adventures, they just drop off, go through a round of more mating and coalition building as they hide in the security of the long grass, living on their enlarged, engorged bellies waiting for the host to revive or for a new host.




In short these are the operating rules of a tick:

  • Suck, suck, suck and more sucking
  • Blood, blood, blood and more blood as long as it is not our blood
  • We dont care, we dont care and we dont care anymore what happens to the host
  • Mate, mate, mate and more mating within our species
  • Our siblings must also suck, suck, suck and more sucking
  • We lie in wait, waiting for the next victim of our blood sucking lifestyles
  • Suck, suck, suck and more sucking

It is therefore foolhardy for any cow to assume, think, imagine or believe that a tick can liberate it from hunger, thirst, disease or malnourishment.

It is foolhardy for any cow to assume, think, imagine or believe that any tick will only suck as little blood as possible so that the cow can live longer. Nay, ticks suck as much blood as possible at times to the detriment of their bellies.

It is foolhardy for any cow to assume, think, imagine or believe that any tick will lead it to greener pastures, give it pastureland reforms and the change of environment it direly needs.

It is madness for any cow to trust its life or that of its siblings to any tick. Death and fast death is the ultimate in such an arrangement.

It is suicidal to be led by a host of ticks.

Interestingly, we led the cows and the ticks to the cattledip with the assurance that only the cows will survive the bath. I don't know now, I only hope that our inept government has not incited communities to create cattledips where only the ticks survive or where the cows get out with broken limbs, bruised, poisoned by tick-prescribed insectcides, suffocated or drowned.

Other than the weekly cattledip bath, the other solution was a natural one. As we grazed the cows, there was a certain kind of bird that followed the herd, some kind of tick-pecker, perching on the cows backs and on the neck pecking out the ticks one by one.

Is there such a bird or flights of such birds in Kenya and will they show themselves up in good time to save the cows from these ticks?
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Register Mungiki as a Political Party or a Self-help Group aka Chama

The recent murderous events by villagers and Mungiki members in Kirinyaga and Karatina is a sign of how far the political, governance and security structure has deteriorated in Kenya.

Why do we have a police force that is inept, corrupt, lazy, impotent and infiltrated by thugs and murderous gangs? Or a military that freezes at the rumour of a Ugandan brigadier in a tiny one hectare island of Migingo.

Is there no security intelligence in Kenya such that the ordinary mwananchi has more intelligence than the Criminal Investigation Department and other security organs of the state?

Why on earth do we have a commander in chief, security, defense minister and subservient forces whose work is to issue statements at the confines of their strongrooms, who only tour to marvel at Kenyans blood soaking into the soil and whose work is to buy coffins and hire tractors to bury their kinsmen enmasse?

Something is goddamn wrong with Kenya.

Imagine Kenya without a president, prime minister, cabinet and the other lot of crooks in parliament; nothing will significantly change in this country. Kenya will still be annexed by Uganda on the west, Somalia on the East and North Eastern. Our oceanic waters will still be ruled by teenage pirates from Mogadishu who scare the hell out of our much taunted experienced navy. Vigilante groups and murderous gangs will still continue to hunt down each other and display torsoless heads as trophies.

Back to the Mungiki story, the government of Kenya should have registered this group as a political party. At least legally there would have been a code of conduct and legal recourse for their heinic and barbaric acts. There would have been a register of members and officials who can be tracked in case we need some explaining from them.

Political aspirants and presidential projects in Central Kenya would not have a problem having night meetings and proxy transfers of cash to these gangs in preparation for 2012 and would be at liberty to vie for civic, parliamentary and presidential seats in the name of Mungiki. We would know some of these as the wolves they are, rather than foxes in goatskins, preaching peace during the day and beheading their kinsmen at night. For Kenya has an insatiable thirst for human blood.
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